KIBBLE POOPS

You know what really tests my patience when I’m out walking my dog?

Kibble poops.

I swear, I can spot a kibble-fed turd from a mile away. I’ve got kibble-poop radar. A gift? A curse? Who knows.

Now listen, not only is kibble rough on your dog’s insides… it’s also apparently indestructible. Great for a zombie apocalypse, terrible for literally everything else.

And yes, yes, I know — everyone should pick up their dog’s poop. In an ideal world, dogs would all be raw fed, poop would crumble like ancient pottery, and people would carry biodegradable bags as if their life depended on it.

But we don’t live in that world.

We live in Earth: Level 1, where you’re dodging mystery landmines like you're in Space Invaders.

Anyway, for the last two weeks I’ve been walking past the same exact poop.

Same spot. Same perfect shape. Same “don’t worry mate, I’m not going anywhere” energy.

And before you ask — no, I’m not picking it up.

Not my monkey, not my circus.

But here’s what shook me… This thing has survived storms, frost, rain, wind, a teenager on a scooter, and a Labrador sniffing it with suspicious admiration.

It’s preserved.

Like… remarkably preserved.

And that got me thinking:

The preservatives keeping kibble ‘fresh’ for 3 years are also keeping their poop fresh for 3 weeks.

Let that sink in.

A dog’s stool should break down, crumble, return to the earth like a biodegradable offering to the soil gods.

But kibble-fed poop?

Nope.

It just sits there. Proud. Immortal. Possibly judging me.

Here are a few of the culprits helping your dog produce archaeological-grade stools:

BHA (E320) – a synthetic antioxidant.

BHT (E321) – BHA’s dodgy cousin.

Ethoxyquin (E324) – sounds like a sci-fi villain because it practically is.

Potassium sorbate (E202) – to keep mould away… and apparently nature too.

Propyl gallate (E310) – another artificial antioxidant making poop live longer than most houseplants.

These things preserve kibble… and now we know they preserve the aftermath too.

Once upon a time, dog poop used to turn white after a week because they were eating bones — nature doing its thing.

Now?

It turns into a brown, sticky time capsule that laughs in the face of rain.

And for the love of all things holy:

If you feed kibble, please pick up the poop.

I swear, if I ever see someone leave one behind, I’ll pick it up, follow them home, and—

Okay, I won’t actually post it through their letterbox…

But just know the fantasy keeps me warm at night.

Pick.

Them.

Up.